The Sincerity-Irony Matrix

 Former Hyper Sincere Nerd Reckons With Behavioral Trends In Newfound Interest Groups

Hello. I just watched a video on YouTube about this huge LARPing event that happens every year in Canada. LARP stands for Live Action Role Play, and is essentially like playing dungeons and dragons but in real life. This is information that I have known for probably about 7 or 8 years now, because I was deep in that nerd shit from a young age. In fact, there was a point in my life where I really really wanted to go the event from the aforementioned video. Revisiting that moment in my life has brought the Sincerity-Irony Matrix to the forefront of my mind.

As you might infer from the above subheading, I would consider myself to be a former "hyper sincere nerd," or one who is deeply invested in their dork-styled interests, and not embarrassed about it at all. Whether it was Minecraft, Lego, or Nerf, you know I was fucking with that shit in a very real way. Even though most of my friends in middle school were not moving exactly at my wavelength, I was empowered in these pursuits by the internet. From around the ages of 12 to 14, I spent an inordinate amount of time playing Minecraft with a group of random people 3-6 years older than me on a group server. We were all putting out Youtube videos on some community theatre shit. I honestly credit some of my interpersonal skills to the amount of time I spent in Skype calls trying to get laughs. No facial expressions puts a lot of pressure on a person.

Yet disaster struck. I was shaken from my peaceful slumber in nerd-land by the call of the "IRL" friend-group-powered social life. I'll say it again: hanging out changed my life. Of course I had hung out before,  but in my sophomore year of high school I really started chilling. The kickback. The function. The house show. I was hooked.

Through these avenues, I was also introduced to some of the thought processes that a person aiming to fit in in a high school setting might go through. Do I look good? Is my fit clean? What do I talk about? Am I cool? All game changing inquiries that I, a kid who only wore basketball shorts and t-shirts, had never pondered. 

To make a long story short, I ended up pondering those questions a lot. Like a ton. This leads me to now. I think I've come to a crossroads where I must reckon with the fact that it is not healthy to be ironic about everything. I don't think I'm the worst in that sense, but I've crossed a semi-embarrassing threshold such that amendments are necessary so I don't say stupid shit.

I think this is especially relevant in the way that I process other people's interests. You really can't hate on someone for being super into some game or hobby or other— assuming its not harmful to others— without being low key weird yourself. I think this just ends up reflecting back on the caster of judgement, such that they come to fear being mocked for sharing their own interests.

After that paragraph I wrote something that sounded akin to the "I'm weird. I don't fit in," speech from Riverdale, so that's all the writing I can do tonight. Basically I want to be just a little more sincere.

Anyway... thoughts on that new Drake?

Bye.